OCD · Personal

What type of OCD do I have?

For me my OCD is very hard to explain. It probably won’t make any sense to people who don’t have OCD and don’t really understand it, which is ok! I will try my best to explain as clearly as possible. So my OCD tends to focus round counting. Lots and lots of counting. For even the littlest of things I have to perform counting rituals inside my head that never go past the number 4. The pattern in which I count differs a lot, to be honest I’d be here all day if I was to explain every counting pattern that I do. Lets just say that I count A LOT, and it’s extremely frustrating. Also I perform rituals that include tapping the walls to fluffing pillows (I know that sounds silly) and many many other things. One of the main reasons why I do these rituals is because I worry that something bad is going to happen if I don’t complete them.That bad thing could be anything from something happening at school to someone getting seriously ill or dying and every little thing in between. I don’t know that these are going to happen, but my mind just can’t be put to rest until I complete my rituals ‘just in case’ any of these things occur and then if they did it would be my fault. I worry that my thoughts effect people. For example if I think about illness I automatically assume that someone is going to get ill that I know of. Intrusive thoughts effect me too, they just get stuck and go round and round in my head. You know it would be extremely helpful if I had my psychologist here to explain it to you all. She explains things so well and probably could explain all this far better than I could, but oh well! Anyway I get very high anxiety if any of my rituals aren’t performed and even when I make decisions like ‘which glass should I use!? Which glass is good which is bad???? I don’t know! Help!’ (Ok that’s a strange example, but anyway!) So yeahhh… very complicating right. I suppose OCD is very complicating in any form. I have been through many other forms of OCD through out the time that I have had it like contamination OCD and checking OCD its all kinda filtered its way through to what I have now, which in no doubt will change some time.

Well anyway as most of you know OCD comes in a variety of forms, really it comes in endless forms. Everyone’s is different. This is my OCD right now, that I have explained (probably not very well). Thank you all for reading this and see you!

-Ellen https://twitter.com/Ellen_White_


7 thoughts on “What type of OCD do I have?

  1. Hi Ellen, Good for you for starting this blog (I think you did a great job of describing your OCD), and even more so for tackling your OCD with therapy! I wish you the best of luck as you move forward………you can beat this!


  2. Ellen, In the world I live in, everything you describe makes perfect sense. You are so very much not alone. And you are helping many others by sharing your own story. Keep on sharing and keep on working on this OCD journey! – Angie


    1. Thank you Angie! I will, it’s a battle I must keep fighting and I’m so glad I’m helping people along the way. 🙂


  3. i think your my new best friend,i really thought i was the only person to suffer with this kind of ocd,im pleased to say that the counting ocd is low at the minute as its been taken over by symetry and colour coordinating. Have you ever or no of anyone that has had this problem? the music channel i watch had “all the number 1s of the naughties” so without thinking i sat down and started listening and watching and without any notice whatsoever ocd kicked in and to cut a long story short i had to sit there and count down untill the end,only moving when the adverts came on,this lasted 3 days,please tell me im not alone 🙂


    1. I’m super glad you were able to relate! I just want to tell you that you’re not alone with the compulsions and obsessions that you have. Even though I don’t suffer from the symmetry and colour coordinating, there is always someone who has similar experiences. I know a few people who have had the symmetry compulsion and I’m sure if I asked in the groups that I’m in, someone would definitely struggle with colour coordination. I hope you’re doing well and that I might have helped! 🙂


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