You’ve been here for 6 years, sometimes you’re that niggling urge that I just can’t brush off and other times you are this monster that takes over my whole life. Draining any rational thought that I may have and turning it against me.
You have took so many things that were once an easy simple task and turned it into a mind numbingly painful chore. I can’t even walk straight through my own house without ritualising, or just go to sleep. I am petrified of getting ill, I can’t remember when you weren’t controlling me.
I can’t say you’ve been all negative. When I did ritualise and I thought that things did go right because of you, I felt great! That control I thought I had and the positive outcomes of it. I’m a good person, I’ve done something right…wrong, so wrong. All bad as soon as one thing went slightly wrong. What did I do wrong? What do I need to add? I need to ritualise more! How could I let this happen!? I’m such a bad person! You make me feel like I have such control over everything and I don’t want to feel like that. Things happen, we can’t help that. We just all move on, but you OCD, you won’t let me.
You may have the upper hand right now, but I will not stop fighting. I will continue to spread awareness and let people know what you truly are! Not just some spontaneous cleaning disorder that we can just turn on and off. Not just a disorder that we enjoy having. You’re not just “So OCD.” It’s a medical disorder that can destroy peoples lives…it’s not right.
You haven’t succeeded OCD. I’m still in school, I’m still fighting. I’m getting help. Things will change and I’m going to make sure that you don’t stop me.
You will be beaten. The power you have over me will not last. I will beat you and one day you will no longer rule my life, you will no longer rule anyone’s life. Everyone will beat you. We will stamp out stigma. We will conquer our fears. We will beat you OCD. Don’t you ever forget that.