If there’s a time when all you can do is cry, it’s okay.
If you can no longer battle alone it’s okay to ask for help.
If you fall back into relapse, it’s okay.
If you’re scared about the future, it’s okay.
I feel like we all have this expectation of ourselves that we have to smile and have our lives under control all the time. Whether that be for others or ourselves. That we can’t take steps backwards. That we can’t have days were functioning is just too much and we just have to snuggle up like a burrito and chill. The truth is, it’s okay to have days like that. If we were happy all the time, I feel like the satisfaction of actual happiness would diminish.
I think this whole concept of constant self control and happiness is amplified when in therapy/recovery. Once you start to make progress, the thought of maybe having a slip ups is petrifying. That we can only keep making progress and to never have setbacks, but in reality, that’s really not possible.
You need to take time for some self care. To give yourself a break for a while. To just power through recovery without stopping is exhausting and if you don’t give yourself time to regain yourself every once in a while, often the effects of recovery can take a turn down an unpleasant route.
I have quite recently been guilty of the above. I was pushing myself so hard in therapy (not that pushing yourself is a bad thing, in moderation it’s great) that I ended up setting goals for myself far above what I was mentally and physically able to reach at that current time. Consequently I was basically setting myself up to fail. I was exhausting myself to the point where I was getting so upset when I didn’t reach my goals and making my mood plummet as a result of all this. At that point I was basically just running into battle against my mental health disorders with no armour on, which as you could probably imagine, didn’t end too well. I had to put the breaks on (or my therapist forced me to put my breaks on, which I’m really grateful for her making me do). To just take time out to regain myself. To re armour myself.
Also I just really want to make it clear that it’s okay to relapse on old behaviours. It’s a part of recovery that we can’t beat ourselves up about. The most important thing is to learn from the situation and let it strengthen you, not weaken you. You can get past this blip, look back and see how far you’ve come. You can get back to that place you were before you relapsed. It’s 100% possible and you have the strength to get there.
It’s okay to be proud of yourself.
It’s okay to share you successes.
It’s okay to think good things about yourself.
You’re unique and amazing and you deserve to feel that about yourself.
Also, I’m off to the Mind Media Awards in London tomorrow. Ahhhh!! So excited, I can’t contain myself. I would not be where I am today without everyone who supports my blog. I am eternally grateful to you all. Thank you! x