Coping Day to Day · OCD · Personal

My Feelings…

My feelings are a whirlwind of chaos trapped within the confined world of my own being. Causing havoc and turmoil because they need to get out.

My feelings are often the master puppeteer. Yanking strings violently, tying me up in coils of guilt and frustration. 

My feelings are like crashing waves, colliding with the shore at varying degrees of animosity. Sometimes…the swell of the ocean is oddly calm and the waves tumble nonchalantly onto the sand, but often…the churning of my emotions causes the swell to exceed all levels of placidity and the waves rampage down to the shore, striking the delicate sand with infuriating rage dispersing the grains haphazardly.

My feelings are like a squadron of guards. Stampeding towards my aspirations, standing guard, blocking the passage to the future.

My feelings are like a cluster of helium balloons, tugging, longing to be free; but I hold on tight. Like a youthful child at the fair. Fearful that one wrong move could be the catalyst for them ascending into the unknown and thus losing what I’d tried so hard to hold onto.

My feelings are like a river. Cascading through the cravasses of my mind, reaching all corners of my often distorted reality.

My feelings allow me to write. Paragraphs of unfeigned dialogue, driven by mass build up of emotions and written through an often clouded vision. 

My feelings are a mindfield of analogies. This is how I try to understand them.

-Ellen

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7 thoughts on “My Feelings…

  1. I cried when I read this I can so relate I have so much trouble getting my thoughts out I repeat my thoughts over and over in my brain to a point where sometime I just cry I just do not get my thoughts out

    Like

  2. Reads like some of my dreams! ..the really crazy but interesting ones. The ones where i want to wake up to get rid of intense feelings and anxiety. I’m sure sometimes my mind just LOVES to play with my OCD, exaggerate it so i get used to it.

    Like

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