Coping Day to Day · OCD · Personal

The Coffee Contradiction

A cup of confidence, of energy, a gulp of pure desperation.

Waiting for that synthetic hit, to give me motivation.

A simple substance, yet, with so much power.

Will it finally make me shower?

I drink too fast, it scorches my throat.

My body screams ‘NO’, but it doesn’t get a vote.

I get on with my day, ‘how are you?’ ‘Yes, I’m fine’.

Can they tell I’m barely alive?

 

I’m fuelled by numbers, C8H10N4O2,

How accurate is my world perception, through this stimulated view?

I can study, I can work, I feel mentally strong,

But there’s a time limit on coffee, before it all starts to go wrong.

The confidence, the energy, it’s soon stolen away.

Replaced by dissociation, my world’s turning grey.

I’m disconnected, I’m numb, I just want to quit.

This cycle is so torturous, was this drink really worth it?

 

Then, just wait, it’s not over yet,

The anxiety comes flooding in, everything is a threat.

My OCD emerges, it starts a war.

‘COUNT!’ It says. ‘COUNT!’ ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

I end the day, dazed, just lying in bed.

Why do I do this to my stupid head?

The chemicals, the stimulants, is there any point?

For a false sense of determination, that will inevitably disappoint.

 

The morning comes, I awake, time to face a new day.

I’m tired, I need energy and I know there’s a way.

So, here I am, stuck, in a state of affliction.

I’m paralysed, faced again, with the coffee contradiction.

 

-EW

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “The Coffee Contradiction

  1. It does seem to bring me that unbearable feeling with regards anxiety and OCD but is also comforting! I reckon a couple of cups is good for depression so we jus gotta be careful! V good wording above! ty!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I get really anxious with coffee too! Vanilla matcha latte is my alternative that powers me but doesn’t set me off too much 🙂

    Like

  3. Has anyone ever told you that you have the same name as a 19th century author? Health was one of her favorite subjects to write about. There’s a compilation of her writings on mental health called Mind, Character, and Personality. Her books are all free to read online.

    Like

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